Uncommon Extrapolation
Awkward. I get labeled this often. This is perhaps because what is in front of me rarely holds my attention. Instead, I tend to scan the environment. Not for anything in particular. Just for possibility. Possibility that something might come along and break the seemingly fixed elements of the moment. When it is clear that nothing will come along, I adopt a melancholy expression, a betrayal to the outside world that I am bored.
I might try to start conversation, but this rarely graduates from the level of the superficial small talk. Whereas I fish for topics of existential matter and elementary theory crafting, I get matters of common interest and relatedness in return. It is my feeling that achieving matters of the former lead to euphoria, a realizing that within the physical, live, form who sits in front of me is in fact a human-being complete with his/her essence and personal experiences and opinions. The latter, however, gives me the feeling of being teased and cheated from a potential good conversation. It is not a matter of clicking either. I KNOW that deep beneath the superficial layer, there is personality and character built from years of positive and negative thought and experiences. This leaves me with a sense that I had done something wrong in not bringing him/her out. Maybe it was bad command of vocabulary on my part. Maybe I jumped into personal topics preemptively. In a world where people are accepting of simple self-definition, it is perhaps my fault for trying so hard to look for kindred spirits who find themselves in the same existential turmoil that I get trapped in often. Still, I continue searching for the next uncommon extrapolation.
